On Anger

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On Anger

Post  Mark on Wed May 23, 2012 7:21 pm

Quotes:

"I conquered my hostility by putting it away until the day I might need it."

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."

"Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy."(Aristotle)

"In a controversy the instant we feel anger we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving for ourselves."

"The degree of one's emotions varies inversely with one's knowledge of the facts: the less you know the hotter you get."

""When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, a hundred." (Tom Jefferson)

Mark
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Re: On Anger

Post  Mark on Wed May 23, 2012 7:26 pm

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/anger-management-counting-to-ten


From rude drivers to anonymous hackers to co-workers that make your job harder than it should be, it seems that everyone is getting on your nerves and you're about to lose whatever hold you have left on your temper. What to do? Learn some anger management techniques. Here are a few that might help.
It Worked for Jefferson!

Simple as it may sound, you may want to start with some age-old advice.

"When angry, count to 10 before you speak. If very angry, a hundred," said Thomas Jefferson. That's still good advice, says Dan Johnston, PhD, an assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral science at Mercer University School of Medicine in Macon, Ga.

"The familiar childhood admonition of 'counting to 10' before taking action works because it emphasizes the two key elements of anger management -- time and distraction," says Johnston.

"The familiar technique of counting to 10 not only provides the time needed for delay but also offers a distraction from the anger-arousing event," says Johnston. "While busily counting, we are not mentally adding fuel to the fire of anger by mulling over whatever happened."

Counting to 10 becomes an even more effective way of disarming anger if we also take a slow deep breath between each number, Johnston adds. "Deep breathing counteracts the fight or flight stress reaction that underlies anger. Deliberately taking a slow, deep breath not only brings a soothing sense of relaxation, but also helps us to focus our attention in the present moment."

The "energy" of anger often leads to impulsive behavior that only aggravates an already tense situation, Johnston tells WebMD. If given enough time to cool off, however, most people can learn to control their initial impulses.
Three Keys to Defusing Anger

Once more relaxed and in control, Johnston says, we're ready to "respond," which is the key word in dealing with anger. "Don't react," says Johnston. "Respond. Make a carefully considered choice about the best course of action to take and guide your response by the three anger-regulating principles of empathy, compassion, and assertion."

Empathy is the ability to see a situation from another person's point of view, Johnston tells WebMD. "Adopting an empathic stance opens the door to compassion by providing for a deeper emotional understanding of the source of conflict. Being compassionate in an anger-arousing situation allows for the deliberate choice of a tolerant but assertive response to resolving the conflict."

Choosing to respond assertively is different from the impulsive reaction of acting-out anger, Johnston says. An assertive response is characterized by standing up for our legitimate rights, but it does so in a manner that does not violate the rights of others. "Assertive behavior is a direct, honest, and appropriate expression of feelings and beliefs that helps to establish understanding, consensus, and cooperation."

Take One Step Back

To make sure you actually understand what you're angry about, paraphrase or clarify what the other person has said to you, says DeAnna Beckman, MSW, LISW, executive director of the Center for Threat Assessment at the University of Cincinnati College of Medicine. "This allows you to make sure you did not misunderstand the message," she tells WebMD, "and it focuses your brain on thinking, not reacting."

Beckman also suggests leaving the situation if necessary. "A simple, 'Can we discuss this later?' or, 'Can I get back to you on that?' can buy time to control your feelings. You can use that time to take a short walk or climb a flight or two of stairs to calm down," she says.
Now Five Steps Forward

Washington, D.C. therapist Mark Gorkin, LICSW, author of Practice Safe Stress: Healing and Laughing in the Face of Stress, Burnout & Depression, offers a five-step method for "constructive confrontation":

Use an "I" statement, question, or observation: "I'm concerned," "I'm confused," or "I'm frustrated" are good ways to begin your exchange.
Describe the problem specifically. Avoid judgmental accusations such as "You never get your work in on time." Instead, be specific: "I've asked you three times this week for the status of the systems report and I haven't received the report or any response. What's going on here?"
Explain why you're upset. Talk about effects and expectations. For example: "Because I didn't receive the report on time, I wasn't able to present it at the meeting and we had to postpone making a decision." That's the effect. The expectation: "We really need the data. I want to meet tomorrow morning at 9 to discuss where you are with the project."
Acknowledge the other person and ask for input. Let the other person know you have some understanding of what he's going through. For example: "I know you're working on several important projects. Tell me what's on your plate. Then we'll need to set priorities and upgrade the importance of this project."
Listen and let go. Once you've engaged in the first four steps, you can be more objective and can let go of any existing anger, hurt feelings, or questionable assumptions.

Practice Makes Perfect

All these techniques work well, but what happens when you're so angry you can't think to use them? Practice makes perfect, says Jason Kornrich, PhD, director of outpatient mental health services at Nassau University Medical Center in East Meadow, N.Y.

"You have to practice dealing with anger before you're actually angry," says Kornrich, who suggests you role-play a confrontational situation with a trusted family member, friend, or colleague.

This is also a good way to teach children how to deal with their anger, he tells WebMD. "You need to practice with them and show them how to deal with their anger. And you need to be a good role model yourself ... if you can't deal with your own anger, your kids won't be able to control themselves either."

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Re: On Anger

Post  Mark on Wed May 23, 2012 7:30 pm

From http://www.impactpublishers.com/index.php?p=custom_page&page_name=Angry%3f-Tips-to-Calm-Down-on-the-Spot-


Avoid your first impulse
In many cases you will feel like lashing out. Don’t. Avoid doing what the other person expects you to do; this will just reinforce the person’s behavior that you find disturbing. Do the opposite of what you feel like doing (or do nothing at all).

Walk away whenever possible.
Don’t walk away in a huff, just remove yourself from the situation. You could say, “I don’t think this is the best time to talk about this so I’m going to take some time out. Maybe we can talk about it later when we both feel better.”

Tell yourself calming phrases
Create and memorize calming phrases such as “calm down,” “take it easy,” “keep your cool,” “chill out,” “cool off.” Develop some of your own calming phrases.

Count to ten.
This old technique can be very helpful. By concentrating on the counting, you can calm yourself down, become aware of your body language and think of an appropriate response.

Visualize
. Create some peaceful scenes in your mind, such as a lake, the oceanside , or whatever you find calming. Keep these visualizations handy to manage your angry feelings.

Tell yourself to stop
. You may have to call a halt to your anger before you can use the other techniques we mentioned above. Silently (in your head) shout “stop” when you notice yourself becoming angry. Then tell yourself calming phrases, count to ten, or use your peaceful visualization.

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Re: On Anger

Post  Mark on Wed May 23, 2012 7:32 pm

http://www.successconsciousness.com/guest_articles/anger_management.htm


ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #1
Ask yourself this question: "Will the object of my anger matter ten years from now?" Chances are, you will see things from a calmer perspective.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #2
Ask yourself: "What is the worst consequence of the object of my anger?" If someone cut in front of you at the book store check-out, you will probably find that three minutes is not such a big deal.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #3
Imagine yourself doing the same thing. Come on, admit that you sometimes cut in front of another driver, too ... sometimes by accident. Do you get angry at yourself?

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #4
Ask yourself this question: "Did that person do this to me on purpose?" In many cases, you will see that they were just careless or in a rush, and really did not mean you any harm.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #5
Try counting to ten before saying anything. This may not address the anger directly, but it can minimize the damage you will do while angry.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #6
Try some "new and improved" variations of counting to ten. For instance, try counting to ten with a deep slow breathe in between each number. Deep breathing -- from your diaphragm -- helps people relax.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #7
Or try pacing your numbers as you count. The old "one-steamboat-two-steamboat, etc." trick seems kind of lame to me. Steamboats are not the best devices to reduce your steam. How about "One-chocolate-ice-cream-two-chocolate-ice-cream", or use something else that you find either pleasant or humorous.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #8
Visualize a relaxing experience. Close your eyes, and travel there in your mind. Make it your stress-free oasis.

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Re: On Anger

Post  Mark on Wed May 23, 2012 7:47 pm

http://austinlyan.hubpages.com/hub/Top-10-Anger-Quotes

“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.”

“Speak when you are angry- and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.”

“Every time you get angry, you poison your own system.”

“If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate something about your size?” Sydney J. Harris


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